~~Author of Y'all's Destruction

Breaking Addictions

2009-10-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

If you've seen my previous post about quitting smoking, I make something of a hobby of breaking addictions. I am now 15 years without cigarettes, 6 years without Coca-Cola.

Now I am one month without chocolate, and it has been teeeerrrrriiiiibbbbbllllleeeeee. The other day, I was buying some ice cream and realized, I can't have chocolate ice cream. I can't have a chocolate eclair. I can't even have a chocolate donut. Never mind the dark chocolate that I love. I have given it all up.

Why? For years I have had this pain in my right side. When it first appeared, a doctor checked me for gall stones and liver disease and there was nothing there. But the pain was always there, sometimes bad, sometimes not, but always there. About a month ago, I had the idea that maybe it was something I was eating.

What is the one thing that I eat every day? After thinking about it for a long time, I realized that the only thing I ate every day, or almost every day, was chocolate. As an experiment, I quit eating chocolate. After about a week the pain in my side went away. I still get twinges, but for the most part it is gone. I also feel better overall.

But dear God in heaven, why did it have to be chocolate?

Across World Bubbles - Dragonlance/Nehwon Crossover Fan Fiction

2009-10-23T10:17:00.000-07:00

I've just posted the first part of a Dragonlance/Nehwon crossover fan fiction story I wrote almost 16 years ago. Do take a look.

The rejection letter for this story, which I still have, is dated February 28, 1994. Why do I still have it? Because it was the first rejection letter I ever received in which I got a hint that a story of mine, under different circumstances, might have been published. It reads, "TSR doesn't own the rights to Fritz Leiber's characters for new fiction, only for games. The resulting legal hassle (sadly) makes the story unpublishable."

Sadly, it says. Isn't it amazing how one kind word can inspire a frustrated author to keep trying? Later that year, the same editor bought an adventure of mine for publication in Dungeon magazine, and thus my writing career heaved itself up from the unappreciated muck and shouted to the impersonal heavens, You like me! You really do like me!

hey doorknobs, how about some dragonlance fan fiction?

2009-09-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

Before I became a Dragonlance author, I was a Dragonlance fan fiction author. Back then, there weren't any websites for fan fiction and we carved our stories on stone tablets and left them in temples for monks to copy and illuminate.

I've just posted one of my first Dragonlance fan fiction stories, written in the early 90s. It's about one of our most favorite characters - Tasslehoff Burrfoot. I think it captures the pre-Summer Flame innocence of the world of Krynn. If you're a Dragonlance fan, I think you'll like it. Go take a gander. Just make sure you put it back when you're done, or the geese will be sore.

Legally Dead

BTW, I have another bit of fan fiction I will be posting soon. It's a Dragonlance-Nehwon crossover once again involving that incorrigible kender, Tasslehoff.

so let it be done

2009-09-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

Now that I am finally finished writing The Sword of the Prophet, I've been doing some of the administrative work today, trying to recall everything that went into the writing of it. So here are some facts.

The current word count is 124,500, 71 chapters, 432 MS Word pages in 12-point double-spaced font. That will change with revisions, but it gives you some idea of the size of this work.

I got the original idea for this story many years ago. I don't remember the exact year, but do know the exact circumstances. Dungeons and Dragons 3.0 was in beta and I was a beta-tester DM. I began to design an adventure that gave birth to the idea for this story, and to one of its main characters - Paragon d'Ironwood. I queried Dungeon magazine with the adventure and they were interested in seeing the full treatment, but alas I never finished writing it.

Some time later I met Jolly Blackburn at a convention and he told me the Kingdoms of Kalamar people were interested in doing a Kalamar novel, so I wrote out the adventure idea as a novel outline, set in Kalamar. That never went anywhere, so I decided to reset the novel during the Crusader period of earth.

But instead of writing the novel, I wrote a screenplay that came out at a whopping 180 pages long. So I cut it down, eliminated some characters, and submitted it to the Bluecat competition, where it received a very favorable review and some excellent pointers on ways to improve the plot.

In 2006, I began writing the novel based on the screenplay. Then I stopped and wrote a different novel. In 2007 I picked it up again, then stopped and wrote a different novel. Then I rewrote the 2006 novel, then in 2008 I rewrote the 2007 novel. Finally I picked it up again in 2009 and have been working on it unsteadily since about April.

This is not only the longest novel I've ever written, it has taken me longer to write than any novel I've ever written. Hopefully the next one will come a little quicker. Now comes the editing - after I've had a break from it.

do I have shit on my nose?

2009-09-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

Reading agent blogs is usually quite enlightening. You get into the mind of the agent to find out what they really think, and that can help (I suppose) to finally land that particular agent for your novel. Grain of salt alert - what one agent proclaims as law may not be what another agent believes at all. Improve your situational awareness before rolling in on your target.

But reading the comment sections of agent blogs is usually an embarrassing tour through the museum of total ass-suckery. Two recent examples of advanced salad tossing evolutions here and here. It really is enough to make you ashamed of the human race.

so let it be written

2009-09-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

Just finished writing my magnum opus, the greatest work of heroic fiction I have ever attempted - a 125,000 word epic called The Sword of the Prophet. This novel has been years in the making and I have just written its last word.

More on this tomorrow. For now, I am utterly unspooled. Must find bed.

Happy Birthday, Bilbo and Frodo

2009-09-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Dan Brown Attic Again

2009-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

So after ripping off Baigent and Leigh's Holy Blood, Holy Grail to write The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown is back, ripping off Baigent and Leigh's The Temple and the Lodge to write The Lost Symbol.

Seriously, though, Baigent and Leigh published their books as nonfiction, therefore any fiction based on it is fair game, just as I can write a science fiction based on science research or fantasy based on archaelogical or historical research.

However, if Baigent and Leigh had admitted their work was fictional in nature rather than scholarly, who could honestly say that Dan Brown didn't steal all their best ideas? And he's still doing it.

Dan, thy name is R.F.Chutzpah.

behold! the week of cats

2009-09-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

On the first day, there was an itch. It was scratched, and it was good.

On the second day, there was the stalking of bare feet. And it was good.

On the third day, there were cats in the laundry. And it was good.

On the fourth day, they moved to the ironing board and pretended to be sphinxes. This, too, was good.

On the fifth day, they relocated to the underwear drawer. And it was good, though not so good as the ironing board.

On the sixth day, there was smugness. And it was very good.

On the seventh day, they rested. Verily, unto the noon.

False Advertising

2009-09-14T19:08:00.000-07:00

If you have the Yahoo toolbar on your browser, have you noticed lately that it says you have new emails waiting when you actually don't?

At first I thought it was just a bug. But after clicking on it a dozen times or so and finding no new email messages, it finally dawned on me what Yahoo is doing.

They're driving traffic and spinning their hit counters. The toolbar equivalent of phishing.

I wonder if Yahoo's advertisers realize they're paying for empty clicks.

Trying Not to Quit

2009-09-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm coming up on my 15 year anniversary of quitting smoking. Over the years I've seen a lot of people try to quit smoking and fail, I've seen people quit smoking then start back after months or even years. And I've even seen a few people quit and stay quit, like my lovely wife.

I've been asked before how I quit, and I tell people quitting is easy. It's staying quit that's hard. I'm finally at a point in my life where I no longer crave cigarettes. The fact that this was about a 10 year battle to reach this point - where I wouldn't smoke a cigarette even if I could get away with it - tells you what you're facing if you're thinking about quitting. If you think you'll be in control in a week or a month or even a year, you're wrong.

So here's a little test to see if you're ready to quit.

1. Do you plan to gradually reduce how much you smoke before finally quitting? Do you plan to use a patch or other supplement to help you reduce your need for nicotine so you don't smoke as much?

2. Do you believe that once you have quit, you should be able to have a cigarette now and then, such as a reward for a job well done, or when you have a really bad day?

3. Do you want to quit for someone, like your spouse, lover, or children, or because your doctor says you need to, or because it's bad for you, or because it's too expensive?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, I can guaran-damn-tee you will be smoking a pack a day again before the year is out. You might as well not even try to quit, because you're just going to disappoint yourself.

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you aren't really trying to quit smoking. What you're doing is trying not to quit smoking. You really honestly don't want to quit, so you're blaming other people and telling yourself they're forcing you to quit, or you're hanging on to your cigarettes as long as you can while you pretend you are in the process of quitting and pat yourself on the back for it. As Yoda said, there is no try. You either quit, or you're still smoking.

I've talked to people who have quit smoking and stayed quit for more than 10 years. I believe there is a pattern, both to how they quit and the philosophical and motivational factors that have kept them quitters ever since.

1. They didn't plan to quit. I quit smoking because I accidentally left my smokes at home one day and since I had no money with me to buy more, I decided to see if I could make it the whole day without smoking. My father got extremely sick on a business trip and cigarettes made him feel worse, but he didn't start back after he recovered. My wife stopped the day she found out she was pregnant. We all had been thinking about quitting, obviously, but not specifically planning for it. Instead, events transpired that provided us with the opportunity to make that decision. It's a matter of seizing the opportunity.

2. They wanted to quit more than they wanted to smoke. It really is a matter of wanting to quit. Until you want to quit, you won't quit.

3. They quit cold turkey. They didn't wean themselves off. They just stopped. Boom. The end. My wife used the patch to help wean herself off nicotine, but she did not smoke a cigarette (see below). Her father quit cold turkey. I quit cold turkey. But it's not how you quit that's important, it your decision to not start back that makes the difference.

4. They understood that under no circumstances can you ever have another cigarette. Ever. There is no backsliding. There is no forgiveness. You cannot have a bad day. You cannot reward yourself. You cannot 'just have one' at a party or a bar or after a particularly wonderful sexual experience or after you wreck your car or break up with your girlfriend or sign the divorce papers. You have to be able to look that situation in the face and say no, not this time. You can't have one. You just can't. Ever. Sorry. It's not fair, but if you want to quit, you have to resign yourself to the fact that you will never under any circumstances put a cigarette in your mouth. If you can't accept this, if you allow yourself even one special dispensation, if you sell yourself one indulgence, you will become a smoker again. Maybe not that day. Maybe not that week or even that year, but it will happen eventually.

I don't really understand the mechanics of addiction. I don't know how it works on the biological level. I quit drinking Cokes about six years ago and I still crave them. The chemical receptors that crave this substance can't still be active in my body after all this time, so something else is happening. Addiction is more than simple chemical dependency, and quitting is more than starving those receptors to death.

Therefore, breaking an addiction is more than breaking the chemical dependency. No drug can make you stop smoking. Nothing in the world can break you of an addiction except your desire to be free of it. Once you make that decision, there are drugs and techniques to help you wean yourself from the chemical dependency, but only your conscious desire to stop will stop the addictive activity.

When my wife quit, she used the patch. Nicotine isn't what you're addicted to. Nicotine facilitates the addiction, it provides the cookie that rewards the behavior, but the behavior is the key. The behavior is what is so hard to quit. For months after I quit, I'd catch myself at quiet moments feeling in my pocket for my cigarettes. For years after, I would dream of smoking. The social activity of smoking is what I missed most. It filled the moments of my life. And it has taken years to find new ways to fill those moments without addictive chemical rewards. But it is a struggle to find that personal peace that allows you to sit quietly outside and not light up even when everyone around you is smoking.

So if you're thinking of quitting, good. You can do it, provided you really want to. Don't plan to quit, just prepare for it and be ready to seize your opportunity . Once you have quit, know that you can never go back. Burn your ships behind you, and be prepared for a decade of struggle to stay quit. Once you have accepted these precepts, it really isn't that hard to stop smoking forever. Honestly. It's not as hard as you think it is.

a writer's tale in second person

2009-09-01T06:24:00.000-07:00

You send a story off to a magazine and it's rejected. Fine. Happens all the time. No big deal, you say to yourself.

The slush editor is kind enough to note some things about the story and why he rejected it. Not many do that. Good for him.

The problem is, what the slush editor describes in no way resembles the story you sent him. For example, he says, use fewer adverbs. Get right into your story, he says. He says, this is an interesting alternate history of Genghis Khan, but not really what I'm looking for.

So you go back and look at your story and you realize that the only way you could use fewer adverbs is if you used no adverbs. And somebody dies in the first paragraph. And it's not about Genghis Khan.

Where, you want to ask, are all these adverbs? How much sooner must you get into a story than the first paragraph? And Genghis Khan? Genghis H. Khan! But you dare not ask, because you don't want to get on the bad side of the editors.

You realize this slush editor has probably spent too much time commenting on writing forums and attending workshops or (God forbid) leading workshops, and has had his head filled with all the textbook dos and don'ts that workshop leaders employ to fill time and justify the money and hope people expend attending them. He wants the monster to appear on the first page of your story. He thinks because you used Mongol-sounding names that your story is an alternate history of Genghis Khan. And he can't be bothered to overcome his lazy, mistaken first impressions because his attention span has been rotted to the thickness of a hair by texting and twitter.

But that's ok because the attention span of his readers is just as threadbare.

And so you move along, quietly, smiling to yourself. It's a lovely day. You make ice cream and take a nap and after a while you're glad you deleted that pithy reply email before sending it. Because it's just not worth the trouble. When you argue with idiots, you always lose.

safe to say this probably will not turn out well

2009-08-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

Disney is buying Marvel.

Hulk no like wearing stupid mouse hat. Hulk smash.

Predicting the Future

2009-08-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

via Atrios

In 10,000 years, some archaeologist will discover this and describe it as an elaborate temple complex.

Then someone else will say aliens helped us build it.

Unpaid Advertisement

2009-08-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

uhhhhhhh

2009-08-21T11:49:00.001-07:00

I Think I'm in Love

2009-08-21T07:26:00.001-07:00

With this awesome website.

I mean, come on! A fansite dedicated to heroic fantasy and sword and sorcery? Named The Cimmerian?

Please, God, let them call me.

Pointing Out the Obvious

2009-08-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

From an ad for GM auto insurance:

I still wouldn't be able to afford this car.

Your Modern GOOP

2009-08-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Palin'nglui deth'panl! Cthulhu R'lymbaugh wgah'nobama fhascist!

All hail the Great Old Ones Party.

Please note that the three stars at the top of the logo have not been altered. In the actual GOP logo, they really are point-down. What can that possibly symbolize?

I'm not sayin'.

I'm just sayin'. That's a bit weird, don't you think?

Soccer Fix

2009-08-17T09:04:00.001-07:00

Got my Barclay's Premiere League fix this weekend, feeling much better now.

The first game Saturday, Everton vs. Arsenal, was just awful. Arsenal scored at will against the Everton defence. They were beautiful goals, and Arsenal's play was sharp for the most part, but still, you expect Everton to be more competitive. They are better than they played.

The Burnley vs. Stoke City match was much better. I'm liking Burnley, even though they lost. They just moved up to the Premiere League, so they've got a lot to prove, and in the second half they proved they can play at this level. Playing is one thing. To compete, they need to learn how to finish. Players to watch are Wade Elliot and newly-signed Fernando Cuerrero.

Counting It Down

2009-08-13T19:21:00.001-07:00

Only two more days until English Premiere League football season begins! Ladies and Gentlemen, program your TiVo!

I hear it's also getting close to our local football season. Different game altogether, though. Imagine my surprise.

Plan 9 from Outer Hollywood

2009-08-13T12:34:00.000-07:00

Peter Jackson - "District 9' is not reflective of any movie that I can imagine. It's really very original, which I love about it, and that's totally Neill."

Haven't seen the movie, but Jackson's comment is just rubbish. Here's the description from the article in the LA Times:

Hundreds of thousands of aliens become stranded in South Africa after their massive spaceship comes to a standstill above downtown Johannesburg. Unable to fix the craft, this massive population of tentacle-waving, exoskeleton-sheathed aliens eventually outstays its welcome; they become reviled by humans for burdening the country's welfare system even though all they really want to do is go home.

Well, except for being set in South Africa instead of LA, and the aliens wanting to go home, this sounds like the plot of Alien Nation. From IMDB:

A few years from now, Earth will have the first contact with an alien civilisation. These aliens, known as Newcomers, slowly begin to be integrated into human society after years of quarantine but are victims of a new type of discrimination.

Hopefully, District 9 won't devolve into Lethal Weapon with Gills, like Alien Nation did.

Nifty New Widget and the Principles of Book Cover Design

2009-08-13T11:17:00.000-07:00

If you notice to the right, I've installed a new widget from Amazon. It's a book carousel displaying my four novels and six anthologies in which I have stories. Go ahead and spin it. It's pretty cool.

While playing with the carousel, I noticed something quite striking about the book covers. Some of them are easy to read, even as thumbnails. Some are not. This differences provide a good lesson in effective book cover design.

No matter how evocative the art when see full-sized, no matter how clever or interesting the font, if it can't be seen as a thumbnail, it isn't a good design.

Black Dragon, White Dragon has a cool cover, but as a thumbnail it is too dark and you can't read the title. Tales of Fantasy has a better title design but suffers equally in the art department. The Thieves' Guild has evocative art, but looking at this thumbnail you would think the title is Crossroads, if you could read it. Still, it's not a bad cover. The Rose and the Skull, Relics and Omens, and Rebels and Tyrants all fail artistically because they either fail to evoke movement (R&T) or are too small and detailed to get across the message. Relics also has poor font design. Warrior Wisewoman has a nice, clear, evocative image, but the title gets somewhat lost. The Futures from Nature cover looks like it has a pile of shoes on the cover.

The best covers are Dark Thane and Conundrum. The titles are easy to read, the images easy to see. Dark Thane has a dark cover, but the artist has nicely contrasted the darker elements with a light background. There's a lot of action and conflict suggested in this cover. Conundrum is also good, even though the interesting parts are small and still, because they draw attention to themselves through the separation and strangeness of asymmetry, almost like a zen watercolor.

But a thumbnail is no way to judge a book by its cover, says you. What better way to judge it, says I? The purpose of the cover is to attract and hold the attention of a prospective buyer. You only have a few miliseconds to grab their attention as they walk through the bookstore or browse the website. Wherever they see the book the first time, more than likely they will see it about the size of a thumbnail. On a website it will definitely be a thumbnail, but in a bookstore it will appear to be about the same size, when seen from 8-10 feet away. So a book's cover simply must work in thumbnail size, if it is to grab the reader's attention.

To accomplish this, you need a clear, easy-to-read, yet unique font, and iconic artwork that is simple and engaging, easily identifiable, and instantly evocative.

I'm No Astrologer, But...

2009-08-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

... doesn't a planet in a highly elliptical retrograde orbit seem more likely to be a captured planet than one whose orbit has been reversed by a close call with another planet?

Thundercats, Hoooooo!

2009-08-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

Meet the newest members of our organization. This is Dex, aka Dexter. He prefers not to reveal his secret identity.

This is Jazz, aka Jasmine, aka Princess Jasmine, aka Jazzy Cat. She also is wary of revealing herself.

And here they are together, day 3, in their new home, still under flea quarantine, 10 weeks old and ready to begin their superherocat training. Jazz is the one with the soul patch, of course, and Dexter is the one on the left, appropriately enough.

Here they are in their top secret training facility.

Who will win the Sword of Thundara? Stay tooned.

Update: Dexter was not named after the HBO serial killer. We needed a name that started with D, because originally Dexter was Daisy. Oops.