Thursday, March 26, 2009

Eat, Sleep, Poop, Ball, Drama - Everybody Wants Some

And so our obsessive child pornography laws run headlong into their inevitable nemesis - the very children the laws are supposed to protect. Methinks DA Skumanick doth protest too much. Maybe he finds the poses of 13 year old girls provacative because they make him horny. If so, maybe the problem is with DA Skumanick, not the girls.

People get a kick out of taking naked pictures of themselves and others and sharing them with their friends. Electronic photography, especially camera phones, makes this easy. Social networking sites make the photos easy to share. Teenagers are only different in so much as they are about a thousand times more likely to engage in this activity as adults. Parents have nightmares, yet the world keeps turning, the sun also rises. In a few years the girls turn eighteen and are featured on the next Girls Gone Wild video. Daddy weeps and daddy's friends place their orders over the phone in the dead of night.

The issue here is easily addressed, if we are willing to deal honestly with human sexuality. Teenagers are not children, and fifteen year olds shouldn't be legally lumped together with five year olds. OMFG! fifteen year olds screw like bunnies, stop the presses! They always have. They always will. You did it when you were fifteen, and if you didn't, you know you wanted to so badly you'd have given a kidney to ball ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch. Your parents balled when they were fifteen. So did Grandma and Grandpa. So did Julius Caesar and Moses and Lao Tzu and Adam and Eve. Even if we lock them in same sex concentration camps with collars on their necks that make their heads explode if they cross the wire, they're going to risk everything to sneak out to the wire every night for a quick beej through the fence. That's what they do. That's all they do. Eat, sleep, poop, ball, drama - this is the life of the human teenager.

It's long past time we got over ourselves. But of course we never will, because some of us are still fifteen years old between the legs, always worrying about who is screwing whom, or hating the world because we're not getting some, too.

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