Neon Orange Election Afterglow

You can't argue that the moon isn't made of cheese with someone who bases his moon cheese theory on the idea that the moon landings were faked. Nor can you argue with someone who, though he aknowledges that men really did land on the moon (illegally and unconstitutionally) and will admit that the holes we see are impact craters, not Swiss cheese, since the astronauts didn't examine every cubic inch of the moon, we cannot state as fact that some part of it, perhaps its core, is not made of gorgonzola.


Furthermore, you cannot debate people who think it is rude, unhelpful or elitist to refuse to waste our time having a serious debate with people who believe the moon is made of cheese.

Brothers, the moon cheese faction must be marginalized by our laughter and our disdain. Otherwise, the coin-operated terrorists (politicians) win.

Politics Lesson 1,341

Things we have learned about politics in the last decade:


That the old adage about being caught with a dead girl or a live boy no longer applies, if you're from the right side of the aisle. Heck, even being diapered by a prostitute  doesn't apply.

However, if you're from the wrong side of the aisle, lying about a beej will get you impeached and disbarred.

If I ever go into politics, I know which side I'm joining.

Your Modern GOOP

Palin'nglui deth'panl! Cthulhu R'lymbaugh wgah'nobama fhascist!

All hail the Great Old Ones Party.

Please note that the three stars at the top of the logo have not been altered. In the actual GOP logo, they really are point-down. What can that possibly symbolize?

I'm not sayin'.

I'm just sayin'. That's a bit weird, don't you think?

They Write Letters

Dear Congressman Childers,

Now that the stimulus package has been passed (and thank you again for your vote), it is time the country addressed what got us into this mess in the first place. A good place to start is with the banks.

Currently the deposits of the nation's largest bank, Bank of America, are somewhere around $950 billion, yet the FDIC only has roughly $50 billion in reserves to cover deposits for all the banks in the nation. If Bank of America were to fail, it would wipe out FDIC 14 times over. Covering the deposits of the Bank of America would dwarf the economic stimulus bill that was just passed, but would do nothing to help the economy. This situation is known as the bank being "too big to fail."

When a bank, or any other institution or corporation like General Motors, is too big to fail, this constitutes a direct threat to our national security far greater than any terrorist plot. That institution can (and to date, has) held our nation hostage, demanding taxpayer money to keep them afloat, lest the economy suffer a crash of unimaginable proportions.

It is time to end this threat to our nation once and for all, beginning with the banks. I suggest that you present a bill to Congress which limits the deposits of any single bank or other FDIC insured financial institution to the standard reserves held by the FDIC. In other words, Bank of America would not be allowed to accept more than roughly $50 billion in deposits, after which they would be required, by law, to turn new customers away.

This would have a triple benefit:

• by preventing any single bank from growing too large to fail
• by encouraging free market competition among banks, which can only benefit the customers
• by forcing the breakup of existing massive banking institutions like Bank of America, who currently have the power to hold our nation hostage

A Banking National Security Act will not solve our current problems – not all by itself. But it will help prevent future economic disasters like the one we are currently experiencing.

Sincerely,
Epstein's Mother