Thanksgiving Isn't the Sexiest of Holidays

No matter how you dress it up, and for obvious reasons. There's no mistletoe dangling playfully over your head, no sexy Santa underwear to prance around in or adult novelties to exchange (batteries included). Although the season is right for stretching out in front of a warm fire, it's more often to ease the achin' in your bacon and sleep off an overdose of tryptophan than to get some sweet luvvins.

So why do so many people get married around Thanksgiving? There's cranberry sauce on my mother's wedding dress, and I know a few people at work who had pumpkin pie instead of wedding cake. Maybe it's because the family is already gathered together. I don't know.

Anyway, here's a pumpkin pie recipe that works for me. Everybody at work thinks its fookin marvelous and asks me why I don't have my own restaurant. In this economy? Are you mental? I use Kroger brand for the eggs, pumpkin, condensed milk and pie crust, but I grind the spices fresh from whole sticks of cinnamon, nutmeg, dried ginger and whole cloves. Make sure you get the deep dish pie crust or half your pie will end up baking on the bottom of the oven. Also make sure your crust isn't broken. If you wait until the day before Thanksgiving, like, uh... today... all that will be left in your grocer's freezer are bags of frozen pie crust crumbles and a couple of nice pie tins. Your family will be sad and your honey won't give you no luvvins.

Sweet Luvvin Pumpkin Pie

1 frozen deep dish pie crust
1 can of pure pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix)
1 can of sweetened condensed milk
2 large eggs
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground cloves
fat pinch of salt
Cool Whip

Preheat oven to 425.

Mix pumpkin, condensed milk and eggs, add spices and salt and stir until well combined. Pour into the pie crust and bake at 425 for 15 minutes. Turn the oven down to 350 and bake for 30 more minutes.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool slightly before carving. Plate a generous wedge and add a dollop of Cool Whip. Take your insulin and enjoy.

After the family has gone home and the kids are in bed, lay your honey down beside the fire, smear with Cool Whip, and get busy. You got calories to burn.