Updating The Hobbit

Zaentz Rings in Jackson for Prequels

As Lord of the Rings fans mounted a protest following word that New Line had dropped Peter Jackson from consideration as director of The Hobbit and another Lord of the Rings prequel, producer Saul Zaentz has given assurances that Jackson will indeed direct the two films. A German website, Elbenwald.de, posted an interview with Zaentz, who acquired the rights to the works of the late Rings writer, J.R.R. Tolkien, in 1976 (the Saul Zaentz Company owns Tolkien Enterprises), in which Zaentz says, "It will definitely be shot by Peter Jackson. ... Next year The Hobbit rights will fall back to my company. I suppose that Peter will wait because he knows that he will make the best deal with us. And he is fed up with the studios: to get his profit share on the Rings trilogy he had to sue New Line. With us, in contrast, he knows that he will be paid fairly and artistically supported without reservation." (The preceding quotation is a translation that appeared on TheHobbit-Movie.com from the German interview posted on Elbenwald.de.)

Wishing You a Rousing Turkey Day

GB&D!

A Prediction

Now that New Line has dropped Peter Jackson as director of The Hobbit, in what will probably go down as the most boneheaded move in the history of Hollywood boneheadedness, I predict the following things about the new Hobbit movie:

• They will move the shooting location to Vancouver and rebuild Hobbiton so that it looks nothing like the Hobbiton in Jackson's Lord of the Rings.
• The new director will go out of his or her way to distinguish The Hobbit in every possible way from both Jackson's and Tolkien's work.
• They'll get someone younger and less gay to play Gandalf.
• They'll hire the writers of the original Dungeons and Dragons movie to adapt the script from the Bass and Rankin screenplay.
• They'll hire Glenn Yarbrough to sing the theme song, which will be written by Hootie of Hootie and the Blowfish.
• They'll add a love interest for Bilbo. Gweneth Paltow will get the part, because hobbits are notoriously svelte. And blonde. She'll go on the journey, taking the place of Bombur in the story.
• There will only be six dwarves because thirteen is just too many for the audience to keep track of.
• They'll cut the trolls scene, and change the story so that Sting is a mathom sword that Bilbo has lying around the hole.
• They'll cut the scene with Beorn, and the scene with the spiders.
• They'll add an adventure wherein Bilbo and Gandalf rescue Ms. Paltrow from the Necromancer and return in time to save the dwarves from the Elf King.
• Bilbo will kill Smaug with Sting and the movie will end with Thorin crowned King Under the Mountain because the Battle of Five Armies is just too confusing and anticlimatic for American audiences.
• The movie will be a huge flop, bankrupting New Line, thus convincing Hollywood once again that fantasy movies are a bad investment. Of course, you and I know that it's bad fantasy movies that don't make money, but who are we to question people who are so wise as to drop Peter Jackson from the production of The Hobbit?

Judge me by my size?

Never Eat Microwave Popcorn Again

Microwave popcorn is to popcorn what Cheetos are to cheese. And after you eat popcorn popped in a microwave popcorn bowl, you'll never eat artificially flavored, teflon-coated microwave popcorn again.

I give these little miracles 5 stars. They make perfect Christmas gifts, along with a bag of quality loose popcorn (which is getting harder and harder to find in the supermarket). The recipient will think you're crazy, until they try it, and then they'll love you.

Seven bucks of popcorn heaven. Pick one up at your local Target or Kroger.

No Left Turn, No Right Turn - Whaddaya Do?

One story. Two editors. Two rejections.

Over the course of the last five days, I've had the same story rejected by two different magazines.

One editor said it starts too slow, it needs more action at the beginning.

The other editor said, there's not enough backstory and explanation at the beginning to hold my attention.

Same story. Two contradictory opinions. So which should I take away from this? How do I improve the story?

Honestly, I don't know, so I've sent it off for a tenth opinion.