How to Spot a Troll

They're made extremely uncomfortable by any reference to their species.

For example, an unknown creatures challenges your passage on a bridge. You could attempt to identify it by calling it a troll.

If it objects to this label, it is most likely a troll. Proceed with caution.

Official Mourning Period Ends

This blog has resumed its normal color scheme. Please roll for initiative.

Farewell Dungeon Master

Today is the first anniversary of the death of Gary Gygax. As my stupid despair.com calendar notes, he will be critically missed. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

In memory of this sad occassion, this blog will go black for 1d4 days.

1st Edition Advanced Lamentations

Who Remembers the Sound of Dice Rolls?
sung the tune of The Sound of Silence, by Simon and Garfunkel
dedicated to Jolly Blackburn, The Knights of the Dinner Table, and The Seven of the Crown (Royale)

Fellow monkeyboys, my friends
I’d like to roll some dice again
And see our thief silently creeping
To backstab guards who are sleeping
While the illithid that is sucking out my brain
Feels so strange
Without the sound of dice rolls.

In empty streets of Milwaukee
I walked alone to try and see
If somewhere I might find a friend
To talk about my favorite paladin
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
An eyebite spell
Cast from hell
Without the sound of dice rolls.

And in the saving throw I saw
Ten thousand players maybe more
People playing without speaking
Their glassy stares had me freaking
People playing MMORPGs that had no names
And were all the same
Without the sound of dice rolls.

Fools I said you cannot play
The D&D game that way
Hear my words that I might tell you
How the orcs beyond the door smell you
But my words like 3d6 fireballs fizzed
And fell
Like the knell of dice rolls.

And the players double-dipped
And from their chips the Rotel dripped
All across my brand new character sheets
And from their mouths came grunted burps and bleats
And their consoles said, the words of the players
Are recorded in the lamest blogs
By smelly trogs
Who remember the sound of dice rolls.





















Little known fact - Simon and Garfunkel broke up because of an argument over who was going bald the fastest.

It's true. I read it on the internet.

What Kind of Monster is John McCain?

D&D Monster, that is. Is he a neo-otyugh? A troll? A beholder-kin?

Try your hand at writing his entry in the next Monster Manual or Unearthed Arcana.

A Black Day

Gary Gygax has failed his last saving throw.

Roll for Initiative, Monkeyboy

Hoodyhoo! My high fantasy novella "Ananke" has just been accepted for publication in the next issue of Theaker's Quarterly. Weighing in at a hefty 17,000+ words, this story is not for those with short attention spans. And as there are so few magazines that will consider stories of this length, and most of those will only publish high fantasy written by Very Famous Authors, I worried that it might never find a good home.

That makes 10 stories this year, and it's only July! My dice are smokin'.

Now if I could just score a critical hit with my vorpal novel, I'll gain a level.