The Litany of Beer

1 In the beginning, there was the void.
It was cold and dark and without beer.
And God opened the door of the void
and separated the light from the darkness
and the waters from the earth.
And it was good.

2 God made the light to shine upon the earth
and it brought forth grain,
especially barley,
and hops of many kinds.
And God let the darkness cover the earth
and it brought forth yeast.

3 God took the barley
and he made the light to shine upon it
so that it did malt.
And He took the malt and spread it across the floor of hell.
And He did make the demons and the devils
to roast it with the heat of their hoofs.
And there was much gnashing and wailing,
for they knew there would be no beer
for them in hell.

4 And God took the waters in His hand,
and He spread the roasted barley across the waters.
And He took the yeast and He spread it across the waters.
And He took the hops and spread it thereon.
And He let the darkness cover the mash
so that the yeast would be fruitful and multiply.
And this was also good.

5 Now God took the mash
and He smelled it with his nostrils
and breathed upon it with his mouth
with such a sigh. And he said,
"Verily, this is righteous beer, of which I am most proud."

6 God separated the beer from the mash,
and He made two parts of it to be put into bottles,
and the other two parts
He made to be put in barrels of curious design.
And He did make hell to freezeth over

and there he stored the beer for a time,

until it was ready.

7 And God gathered together two armies,

and He clad them in armor

and set before them a ball made of the skin of a pig.

And He commanded them to make war over the ball.

And so they made war over the ball,

And God did watch, and drink His beer.

8 With his right hand

God did brush the foam from His beard.

And He did breath a sigh and said,

"Verily, this is righteous beer. The beer of the righteous it shall be called."

- "The Beer of the Righteous" from The Orange-Haired Dwarf's Bible