Immunization Porn for Troll Monkeys

A little over a year ago, I took my new kittehs to the vet for their first round of immunizations. They were too young for the rabies shot so they got the distemper/parvo/FL super combo package. That night, Dexter developed a head tremor. It wasn't chills or fever. It looked like he had Parkinsons - definitely something related to the nervous system. After a few hours it went away and he seemed fine.

This past Tuesday, I took the cats to the vet for their yearly immunizations, and I mentioned this tremor episode to the vet. She grew very concerned and decided to change his immunization, splitting up his immunizations into two rounds and eliminating the FL altogether, since he is an inside cat. She also gave him a steroid to help him deal with the shot.

Maybe it's because I'm a conspiracy theorist familiar with tales of autism caused by immunizations, but this whole episode struck me as odd. I fully expected the vet to act like your standard medical doctor, dismiss my concerns and go ahead with the shots. I had prediscounted my fears in my own mind. Instead, she questioned me thoroughly on everything I could remember, trying to determine which shot had caused this reaction. She took his temperature to get a baseline, in case he had a reaction to the new shots and we had to bring him back in. There was never any doubt in her mind that the initial reaction had been caused by one of the shots.

I thought, if there is this level of concern treating cats, why isn't there the same level of concern treating people? It seems to me that, for people, immunizations are perfectly safe and no cause for concern, but for cats, it's best we not take any chances. We can even eliminate a certain immunization if there is (apprently) medical (or anecdotal) history of the immunization affecting the patient's nervous system!

Honestly, I think there is great value in vaccines. Look what they did to small pox and polio. But when medical science meets corporate profits, profits always win. Even for doctors, it is a numbers game - far more people are helped than harmed by vaccines. There will always be a temptation among vaccine manufacturers to cut corners and play the numbers, choosing the profit of a longer shelf life or smaller dosage provided by preservatives and booster chemicals in the vaccine over the loss of a resulting lawsuit, especially when such lawsuits can be fought and won in corporate-friendly courts.

In my opinion, something as basic to public health as immunizations shouldn't even be in the hands of profit-making corporations. Vaccines should be produced and distributed by the government, especially vaccines vital to the containment of a pandemic. Tossing out and replacing expired vaccines is money we, as taxpayers, should be willing to have our tax dollars wasted on, just as we are willing to waste tons of money building weapons to fight enemies that don't exist.

That's all I got to say about that.

Well, one more thing. If cat's can have autism, Dexter is autistic, and has been since that immunization-induced episode of Parkinson-like tremors.

From the Department of Brilliant Ideas

Looks like Obama picked a bad day to approve more offshore drilling in the Gulf.

Coast Guard to Set Fire to Oil Leaking in the Gulf

NEW ORLEANS – The Coast Guard planned to set fire to oil leaking from the site of an exploded drilling rig in the Gulf of Mexico on Wednesday, a last-ditch effort to get rid of it before it reaches environmentally sensitive marshlands on the Lousiana coast.

Sooooo, instead of a giant oil slick washing up on the Lousiana coast, we'll get a giant flaming oil slick washing up on the Louisiana coast.

I'm sure no one could have foreseen this would happen. Much like everything else that happens.

False Advertising

If you have the Yahoo toolbar on your browser, have you noticed lately that it says you have new emails waiting when you actually don't?


At first I thought it was just a bug. But after clicking on it a dozen times or so and finding no new email messages, it finally dawned on me what Yahoo is doing.

They're driving traffic and spinning their hit counters. The toolbar equivalent of phishing.

I wonder if Yahoo's advertisers realize they're paying for empty clicks.

safe to say this probably will not turn out well

Disney is buying Marvel.

Hulk no like wearing stupid mouse hat. Hulk smash.

Your Modern GOOP

Palin'nglui deth'panl! Cthulhu R'lymbaugh wgah'nobama fhascist!

All hail the Great Old Ones Party.

Please note that the three stars at the top of the logo have not been altered. In the actual GOP logo, they really are point-down. What can that possibly symbolize?

I'm not sayin'.

I'm just sayin'. That's a bit weird, don't you think?

Uh, Netflix Sux, M'kay?

I just signed up for Netflix, and within 10 minutes cancelled my account. Want to know why?

Three reasons:

1. I wanted to watch video through my TiVo, but nothing about this service mentioned that I had to have an HD TiVo to use it, until after I had already signed up.

2. Still, I thought, I can always just watch regular DVDs. So I started browsing. When I hit the eighth straight title that was only available in Blu Ray format, I said WTF?

3. So I thought I would contact Netflix to find out why they don't offer the movies I want either as instant download to a regular TiVo box, or in DVD format, but I couldn't find any way to actually contact them, either by phone or email. That's some customer service they got there.

Hence - Netflix just lost this customer forever.

A few years ago, I had a Netflix account, but I cancelled it after three straight DVDs that wouldn't play due to their poor condition. After this experience, I don't know what would bring me back. Even free Netflix forever would be pointless, as I have nothing with which to play what they offer. In this economy, I wonder what Netflix is thinking, excluding the vast majority of their potential customers.

Saturn "I'm Not Dead Yet"

News from Saturn - it appears that GM is going to spin them off as something almost like an independent car company, much as I suggested here.

That's good news, because as long as Saturn is making cars the way they always have, I doubt I'll ever buy any other kind of car.

Get all your latest Saturn news here.

"I'm getting better."

How Stimulating!

According to Bloomberg, "The stimulus package the U.S. Congress is completing would raise the government’s commitment to solving the financial crisis to $9.7 trillion, enough to pay off more than 90 percent of the nation’s home mortgages."

Uh, so why don't they just pay off every mortgage over $250,000? Not only would that save the bankrupt banks from going bankrupt, it would free up massive amounts of cash and create at least a decade of economic growth.

If they're going to spend that much money, why not spend it where you KNOW it will make a real difference? SRSLY, there's no guessing here. No need for complicated economic models. End the recession in one fell swoop. Today. (Historically, such an action was called a Jubilee, which explains why the word jubilee means what it means - via dictionary.com: "All debts, except those of foreigners, were to be remitted (Deut. 15:1-11). There is little notice of the observance of this year in Biblical history. It appears to have been much neglected (2 Chr. 36:20, 21).")

So why don't they do that? If you can answer that question honestly, you'll know who is actually in charge of our democracy.

Hint - Because if the banks can get that $9.7 Trillion and still have you on the hook for your mortgage, that's what they're going to do.

Get Up Stand Up

Here's a great example of how credit card companies try to swindle their customers. The man's mother dies, so he calls her credit card companies to tell them. One asks him how he plans to pay off her debt.

When you die, your credit card debt dies with you. That's why they call it unsecured debt. But not everybody knows this, including one of the commentors to the article. Sad.

You have to fight for every dime and know your rights, otherwise they'll dollar you into the poor house. Think about that phrase - the poor house. It comes from Dickens' time - a period we usually think of as cruel and pitiless to the poor and underclass. But at least they had poor houses back then. Now we just kick ours out on the street.

They Shall All Drown in Lakes of Blood

65 MPG Ford Fiesta!

Not for sale in the United States.

Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth

I've been following the growing alarm of alt-weekly cartoonists regarding the impending demise of their livelihood, dudes like Tom Tomorrow, David Rees, Ted Rall, Derf and others. Tom recently posted a long message of doom by the creator of Red Meat - Max Cannon. He writes:

If, indeed, the humble $10 or $20 that I generally get paid for a RED MEAT strip is going to bring the whole (alt-weekly) operation tumbling down, then the alt-weekly industry is already dead on its feet...

Heh, indeedy. The couple of C-notes alt-weeklies spend on cartoons every week (if that much) was likely axed by accountants who don't even read the paper. That's wasted space which could be generating revenue, instead of consuming it. Or something. Who knows what they're thinking, or even if they're thinking. But thus it has been and ever shall be when accountants and artists butt heads - the accountants have infinitely harder heads, bigger horns, and mightier buttocks with which to propel themselves at us, helter skelter.


Although I agree with much that Max says, I take issue with one part. He writes:

...we (artists)...make our rent and feed and clothe our families exclusively on the humble (I repeat, humble) amount we make from revenues we get from subscriber publications. When that dries up, most - if not all - of us will no longer be able to financially justify the continued production of our weekly comic strips for your enjoyment. That means no posting of new strings on the web site either...

Maybe it's just me (and I don't think it is just me), but whether or not I receive a paycheck has almost nothing to do with whether or not I create. If every magazine in the world were to stop publishing short fiction, and every novel publisher were to suddenly fold, I would still write and I would post my stories over at Big Bamboo, where you can already read several of my previously published stories, which are really quite good, even if I say so myself. If you haven't read them, you know what to do - just click here.

I don't support my family with my writing. I have a full time job and a full time family with young children, yet I still write - every day. Quitting isn't an option for me. Not every artist works for the same reasons, but I suspect that if their entire revenue stream were to dry up tomorrow, many of these artists would find new places to publish. If I were them, I'd be looking for those places now. In fact, I'd be talking to my fellow artists about starting an online subscriber-based autonomous collective. Or something.

Won't Somebody Please Think of the Cartoonists?!?

First they came for the cartoonists, and I said nothing, because I can't draw. But neither can they. That isn't the point. The point is that during these times of economic crisis, independent news weeklies, especially those owned by huge corporations like Village Voice Media, which kind of contradicts that whole independent part, because if they were truly independent, they could decide for themselves whether or not they want to try to ride out these tough times by giving their readers even less reason to pick up a copy of their news weekly.

Anyway, support your cartoonists in your local paper, because if you don't speak up for them, who will?

Oh the Humanity!

Sears/K-Mart, Eddie Bauer, even the venerable Wedgewood, and I hear Borders is on the short list of doom, but dear God not Starbucks, too!



I don't know. Maybe this will be the decade of the death of the chain, the withering away of the retail strip, and the rebirth of the locally-owned neighborhood store. After all, people will still need coffee, just not at eight bucks a cup. People will still need books, just not the unsustainable profit expectations of Wall Street.

Say It Ain't So!

GM is planning to stop making Saturns? They're planning to stop making the one car line in their entire stable that is actually made well, for a reasonable price? Can it possibly get any more stupid than this?

GM shouldn't stop making Saturns, they should stop making everything but Saturns. Sure, over the last few years, Saturn strayed from its true mission - to provide a reliable, well-built car for an economical price - and tried to become just another Pontiac. The epic suck of the Pontiac brand should have been a warning, but corporate America cannot exist without constant turnover, and every new generation of executives has to make their mark and dew something entirely new to keep that career escalator churning upward steps out of nothingness. Thus the early retirement of such reasonable vehicles as the Ion, and their venture into the easy money full-size SUV market with a less than full size SUV. Like their Wall Street compatriots, corporate goons at Saturn thought the gravy train would roll forever. And just when GM could have used a division producing economical, reliable, fuel-efficient vehicles to save its bacon, it has instead - The Sky. That and seven bucks will buy you a foreclosed house and a cup of coffee.

So now, to complete the circle of suck, GM plans to close the one car division that was still doing a few things right. Saturn has always been its ugly stepchild because they made everything else at GM look like it was run by fools. But Saturn made money, and they are not such fools as to eat a money maker (unlike Disney, which eated Pixar). The fools are still in charge at GM, so first order of business is to get rid of the people holding up mirrors to their foolishness.

Sadly, GM deserves whatever Fate puts in its shorts.

My suggestion to Saturn: go directly to Congress for a bailout so you can buy yourself out of slavery to GM. My next car was going to be a Saturn, but if there aren't any Saturns, it will be a Honda or Toyota.

Quote of the Eon

“The country is headed toward a single and splendid government of an aristocracy founded on banking institutions and monied corporations, and if this tendency continues it will be the end of freedom and democracy, the few will be ruling and riding over the plundered plowman and the beggar…”

— Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

It Doesn't Take a Little Einstein

This is another installment of Adventures in Obscenely Excessive Packaging. Our environmental criminal today is Little Einstein's Dominoes game, brought to you by the wonderful world of Disney.


This pointless game, which is inferior in every respect (save Disney's profit margin) to traditional dominoes, comes wrapped in lovely baby-choking, fish-killing plastic.


Nothing unusual about that. Within the box, you get one carboard divider:


One page of instructions which tells you how to play the different games. All the games are played exactly the same way - the only difference is the pictures on the dominoes.


And one stack of cardboard dominoes. Yes, cardboard. Wrapped in more plastic.


That's all. The cardboard divider splits the interior of the box into two equal compartments. One compartment is for the single sheet of instructions. Half a box for one piece of paper. At least it wasn't just air.

The other half of the box contains the stack of cards which, as you can see, are slightly larger than business cards.

All told, the entire contents of the box consume roughly 10% of the space.


That, my friends, is obscene waste you can believe in. But hey, it makes kids smarter because... well, because it's called Little Einsteins. Or something. And what parent wouldn't do anything to raise a little Einstein, right?

The real purpose here is that nobody would pay $7 for a tiny pack of fake cardboard dominoes, no matter whose pictures are on them, no matter whose name is on the label.

BOHICA, or Happy FU Day

The only thing I hate worse than paying $4.39 a gallon for gas is paying $1.39 a gallon.

The drastic drop in oil prices coinciding, as it has, with the collapse of the credit markets is clear evidence that the only thing producing those outrageous gas prices of only six months ago was speculators playing Las Vegas with our economy and our lives. It wasn't demand. It wasn't Peak Oil. It was the same greedy fucks who brought us the sub-prime mortgage crisis. They fucked us going in, and now they're fucking us going out - we get fucked and they get our money every time, and the whole thing is designed to be that way.

Embrace the suck.

Corporate Signage

You've seen them - the assinine motivational posters corporations use to try to motivate employees in lieu of real motivational practices, like a fair wage, decent benefits, and job security.

There's no ME in TEAM.

Good, then you guys can handle it.


Who Moved My Cheese?

So you admit it was my cheese. Now you want me to be excited about the opportunity to compete with my fellow employees in tracking down that which you admit you stole from me in the first place.

I am something of a collector of employee-generated corporate messaging. For example, a sign was recently spotted at speech therapy center for young children. Apparently they have a problem with selfish asshole parents using the center as a babysitter and dropping off the kids for an extra hour or two. So the receptionist put up a sign:

Then there was the excellent bit of signage on display behind the desk of an executive secretary:

But my all time favorite was posted in the shipping area of a major printing company: